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Tony
Onverbeterlijk
Gepost door Tony op woensdag 24-05-2006 om 23:30:03
The too dark shadow

Who needs a reason, if there's drugs..
..Who needs drugs?
Yea, thats the heroin addict..

He started as a young boy, started up fights,
taking drugs and even with open eyes he didn't saw light..
The shadow of hard drugs was crawling over him,
spinned head and the lonely cold underneath his skin..
What he was doing, it wasn't really his choice,
taked the wrong path and hanged out with the wrong boy's..
The first time, it was done before he even notise,
before this, he even never smoked a sigaret or though of this..
He was a brave boy, but keeped his ass out of shit,
but his friends convinced him and became a heroin addict..
He feeled live through his veins, now he feels heroin,
and the feeling was fucked up or perfection, and every time..
He had his mobile phone on but he had no messages to espect,
Then he got stressed, depressed and feeled unhappy or lonely,
he taked his syringe and for that moment it was the addict he wanted to be
He feeled warm from the outside, sweat on his forhead,
but feeled so cold from the inside, and wanted to be dead..
His parents didn't wanted to speak him,
cause he changed to a man he was never been,
and yelled there's also nothing more to bring..
The parents of one son, had the choise of take him, or not,
but didn't accept him after the trouble he brought..
The lonelynes was to much for his mind and bend,
take it for a last shot.. ..and maked a end..

of his live..



let niet te veel op de taalfouten, meer over het concept enzo, uitwerking ect ect
die ene kerel
SLMEARV
Gepost door die ene kerel op woensdag 24-05-2006 om 23:34:10
ja, toch stel ik voor om eerst de taal wat beter onder de knie te krijgen, want er zitten wel erg veel fouten in man.

tekst opzich is wel okee, though.
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smooth criminal on beatbreaks
Tony
Onverbeterlijk
Gepost door Tony op woensdag 24-05-2006 om 23:39:54
ik snap dat er taalfouten in zitten, maar ik zie ze zelf niet echt. dat is het probleem eigenlijk, en ik heb hierboven geen word dus geen automatische gramatica controle. ik denk dat ik meer engels moet gaan lezen/
upnorth
Geile Scheisse!
Gepost door upnorth op woensdag 24-05-2006 om 23:42:19
Ik vind er betrekkelijk weinig fouten inzitten hoor.
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Days to come
die ene kerel
SLMEARV
Gepost door die ene kerel op woensdag 24-05-2006 om 23:46:04
taked, hanged, notise, sigaret, though in dezelfde zin, keeped, feeled, espect ergens, etc... best veel vind ik eigenlijk. en ook nog wat rare zinsconstructies volgens mij.
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smooth criminal on beatbreaks
Tony
Onverbeterlijk
Gepost door Tony op woensdag 24-05-2006 om 23:49:06
keeped is eigenlijk kept toch?
die ene kerel
SLMEARV
Gepost door die ene kerel op woensdag 24-05-2006 om 23:52:26
juistem
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smooth criminal on beatbreaks
Mx Fortune
Gepost door Mx Fortune op woensdag 24-05-2006 om 23:53:35
Quote:
Tony schreef op 24-05-2006 @ 23:30
The too dark shadow

Who needs a reason, if there's drugs..
..Who needs drugs?
Yea, thats the heroin addict..

He started as a young boy, started up fights,
taking drugs and even with open eyes he didn't see light..
The shadow of hard drugs was crawling over him,
spinned head and the lonely cold underneath his skin..
What he was doing, it wasn't really his choice,
took the wrong path and hung out with the wrong boy's..
The first time, it was done before he even noticed,
before this, he never even smoked a cigaret or thought of this..
He was a brave boy, but kept his ass out of shit,
but his friends convinced him and became a heroin addict..
He felt the live through his veigns, now he feels heroin,
and the feeling was fucked up or perfection, and every time..
He had his mobile phone on but he had no messages to expect,
Then he got stressed, depressed and felt unhappy or lonely,
he took his syringe and for that moment it was the addict he wanted to be
He felt warm from the outside, sweat on his forehead,
but felt so cold from the inside, and wanted to be dead..
His parents didn't wanted to speak with/to him,
cause he changed to a man he has never been,
and yelled there's also nothing more to bring..
The parents of one son, had the choise of taking him, or not,
but didn't accept him after the trouble he brought..
The lonelyness was too much for his mind and bend,
took it for a last shot.. ..and made an end..

to his live..


Sorry dat ik de brutaliteit heb om alles aan te passen, 'k wil je er alleen mee helpen. De boodschap in je tekst is wel dope
Tony
Onverbeterlijk
Gepost door Tony op donderdag 25-05-2006 om 00:16:29
see? saw is toch verleden tijd, de hele tekst is verleden tijd, (ik kan der ook naast zitten)
maar thanks
RijmPiet
Hoe wou je dat doen?
Gepost door RijmPiet op donderdag 25-05-2006 om 00:19:28
achter did nooit verleden tijd gebruiken ofzo
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Jonkonize!
Mx Fortune
Gepost door Mx Fortune op donderdag 25-05-2006 om 00:39:10
I DID see
I saw

saw = zag
did see = zag, past tense

9 voor engels op mijn eindlijst toen dertijd.

Probeer trouwens ook een beetje multi's erin te maken, daar is engels de uitgesproken taal voor.

Note:
Bedankt livio, tiepvoutje
[ Dit bericht is gewijzigd door op 25-05-2006 @ 00:57:14 ]
livio
Oldschool
Gepost door livio op donderdag 25-05-2006 om 00:40:57
'de' uitgesproken taal voor.

6 voor nederlands op mijn eindlijst toendertijd.
[ Dit bericht is gewijzigd door op 25-05-2006 @ 00:41:29 ]
Dopoloog
Onbedwaald present
Gepost door Dopoloog op zondag 28-05-2006 om 10:59:03
Quote:
Mx Fortune schreef op 25-05-2006 @ 00:39
I DID see
I saw

saw = zag
did see = zag, past tense



Saw = verleden tijd
Did see is een bevestinging op een vragende zin
( Did you see uncle ferry)
(Yes I did see uncle ferry)

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Vriendjen genoeg, je moest perse op hem kruipen slet.
Liefdes verdriet maakt meer kapot dan dat je het op een zuipen zet
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